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Old 10th May 2010, 01:36 AM
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Robertisaacs Robertisaacs is offline
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Default Re: Ways to Succeed in Biomechanics

I am delighted to say that the throughput of my school remains high with dozens of personal improvement starter scheme artists being created every week!

Not being one to stand still I am proud to announce that I will soon be releasing a NEW SERIES OF Sequential Career Advancement Manuals! Yes thats right, exciting new SCAMs are being invented all the time. We never sleep!

The abstract terror approach.

This one is actually a development of the "alchemy" approach. In Alchemy you learned to promise big by offering to cure any and all ills. This opens a huge market for you.

HOWEVER the Abstract terror approach opens up the entire population as a potential cash cow, ripe for the milking.

The simple elegance of the plan is this. You cure people... of problems they don't have yet. Its perfect. you warn people that because of their gait/ foot type / hair colour / fact they have a head, they are GOING to get something nasty. They are DOOMED. They are probably heading for a wheelchair in a few years. Cut a hole in your trouser pocket, take a pair of tweezers and pluck a few hairs while delivering the news and a sympathetic (looking) tear will come to your eye (optional but it makes you look like you really care)

There is only one hope for them. You, and you alone (thats important) can promise them good health IN THE FUTURE.

Call it wellness, or optimal function, or good health or anything suitable vague that cannot be tested or proved either way! Fit them up and hey presto. You don't even have the risk of them coming back and complaining because (and this is the really clever part) by being vague about the problems you prevent, you can always say its worked. Got shin splints in spite of the insoles? Yes but you never suffered a stroke did you? $600 please.

AND by promising vague "good function" instead of threatening specifics or actually offering to cure a rear problem you even get to sound positive and pro active while you're doing it.

Watch this space folks. New Sequential Career Advancement manuals are appearing all the time. Stay on the cutting edge! Send £10,000 to my offshore account today to receive updates and remain on the cutting edge!
Robert Isaacs
Specialist in Biomechanical Therapies

Semper in excretum sum sed alta variat

Never be a spectator of unfairness or stupidity. Seek out argument and disputation for their own sake; the grave will supply plenty of time for silence. Suspect your own motives, and all excuses.
Christopher Hitchens
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