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Greetings to ye seeking enlightenment. I am guru bob, brother of psychic bob, purveyor of ancient and profound wisdom.
I will share such wisdom in exchange for a goat, or your firstborn child. Or, at a pinch, a can of special brew and a pot noodle. The Credit Crunch has hit the mad seer industry hard and I struggle to make end meet some weeks.
All secrets are known unto me. The paths of the past and future are known to me. Ancient and transcendant wisdom is mine to dispense.
So approach brief mortals and seek the wisdom of the guru
Guru Bob is also available for childrens parties and assassination contracts. No contract is implied by any request made. Terms and conditions apply. No liability is accepted for taking the advice somebody who is plainly a sandwich short of a picnic. Upon asking a question you have agreed not to try this at home.
I wonder what the reaction of The Arena would be in trying new work like FFT and TIP if it came from Payne, Kirby or Isaac instead of me?
Can any of you lopsided blokes understand this?
Quote:
Dennis
Maybe psychic Bobs brother can ???
Guru Bob
At this early stage in my career, I will accept referrals. Thanks for bringing this seeker of truth to my attention mike.
The answer you seek, Dennis, lies not in the mists of the future but in the paths of the past.
FFT has already come from a respected source, Drs Scherer and Morris, respected authors who published in the Textbook by valmassey. Chapter 3. And it failed to set the world afire even back then
So you see there is no need to wonder how FFT would be received if it came from established and repected colleagues. Its already happened.
Leave the pot noodle by the door on your way out. Next supplicant please.
Come closer oh seeker of cosmic truth, and boot the mystic moggy off the chair. The little B*****D is moulting something wicked just now so he should not be there really anyway. Sit and partake of the noodles I could not finish.
The song you speak of is a rapid one. The sylable count does not allow for a comma between "weenie" and "yellow". Thus the bikini in question is yellow and the polka dots of undisclosed colouration. Pink is nice. I'm wearing one under my clothes now in fact. Its chafing a bit.
I fear I am banned from stations since an unfortunate circumstance which arose from trying to establish whether a gerbil can stop a train.* Cosmic wisdom does not come easily. But you can have a map.
Special brew by the door please and send in the next supplicant.
*
It can. But only for an instantaneous moment of time. And you tend to lose the gerbil. RIP fuffy.
The Following User Says Thank You to Guru Bob For This Useful Post:
Oh Mystic Bikini Wearer, tis not me again you`ll be gald to be hear....but another referral who seeks answers to the unknown, for us mere mortals anyway;
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dear mrs. longhurst, do you know anything about copper insoles?
i understand that these are designed as an alternative to wearing
copper bracelets for arthritic conditions. they are
available at £25 form www.specialfootwear.co.uk. have you any
idea of the effectiveness of them? any information would be helpful.
many thanks.
The cat had the last special brew.... would a rather cheeky Sith Afrrrikin "Hock" do?
Why is it that the one known as DrSha, responds to any question posed of him in a manner which in a court of law would be termed a "non responsive answer"? Is there a case for "objection, non responsive answer" here?
If the meaning of life is 42 and all good rock stars should die at 27 and I´m 36, why do men have Nipples ?
Greetings Michael. Shake the snow from the boots before you come in. What were you born in a barn?! Sheesh.
Your question is one I get often at this time of year. You've got part of the way there yourself. You will observe that your nipples have a certain number of hair follicles on them. The (number of follicles / 2)squared -4 is your life expectancy. It really is alarmingly accurate. However the vibrations from loud music over a prolonged period will cause nipple hair to fall out, reducing the life expectancy.
Its a lifespan measure.
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Guru Bob For This Useful Post:
Greetings Michael. Shake the snow from the boots before you come in. What were you born in a barn?! Sheesh.
Your question is one I get often at this time of year. You've got part of the way there yourself. You will observe that your nipples have a certain number of hair follicles on them. The (number of follicles / 2)squared -4 is your life expectancy. It really is alarmingly accurate. However the vibrations from loud music over a prolonged period will cause nipple hair to fall out, reducing the life expectancy.
Its a lifespan measure.
So maybe Peter Andrea may find out who keeps leaving the light on at the end of the tunnel soon then ?
ps I hope the light is a low energy bulb, Mark will get very angry if not, climate wise and all.
sorry Michael, yep I get irritated easily by many things, I'd rather not waste any of my remainding time being in such a frame of mind but hey, how's the weather?
Please can you enlighten on your name - just to settle my curiosity. Is "Bob" you family name or given name? It's just that you and your brother both have the name Bob, yet I perceive that "Guru" and "Mystic" suggest titles of calling/work.
Also, do you have contact details of a decent contractor? I need a new kitchen.
I can pay in goats, I'm sure we have plenty plastic farm animals in the toy box.
Please can you enlighten on your name - just to settle my curiosity. Is "Bob" you family name or given name? It's just that you and your brother both have the name Bob, yet I perceive that "Guru" and "Mystic" suggest titles of calling/work.
Welcome to you Froach. Mind the, MIND THE PUDDLE!!!! Sorry. Some Viking fellow trod snow in hear earlier, made the floor slippery. Here press this pad to your pate, the bleeding will subside soon.
We are indeed a large family and bob is my given name not my surname. Myself and psychic bob went into the mad seer business (same look, different disciplines). Bareback bob is an unemployed keen naturist / runner. We don't hear much from him although I understand he has a cold just now. Serves him right, the present I got for Christmas from him this year was just obscene. Vibram one finger indeed! There's another one who's a podiatrist. I think thats something to do with children isn't it? The rest of us steer clear of him because between you and me, he's not quite right in the head.
Our parents, sadly, was long on delivering a broad education but short on imagination. They called us all bob. Even my sister. I toyed with changing my name to Guru Bobby but it seemed less respectable somehow.
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Also, do you have contact details of a decent contractor? I need a new kitchen.
Why not save money on your kitchen? Take the door off your garage, cut a hole in the middle to give you somewhere to stand and rest it in your cooking room upon saw horses. Use an oil drum filled with combustables to a certain depth as an oven and eshew a sink in favour of paper plates or eating off your children. You'll save money and have a stylish look which will be the envy of all your friends.
I think you'll need stitches in that froach. Get thee to a hospital. I'll take a plastic goat as when scattered on the floor they make excellant caltrops to deter night burglars.
Bareback bob is an unemployed keen naturist / runner. We don't hear much from him although I understand he has a cold just now. Serves him right, the present I got for Christmas from him this year was just obscene. Vibram one finger indeed!
ROFL
X M
__________________
:)
twirly
Mandy Brooks
Brooks Podiatry
S64 0DE
Suffering a fondness for odd things.
“ Though the mills of God grind slowly;
Yet they grind exceeding small;
Though with patience he stands waiting,
With exactness grinds he all. ”
Be careful as you roll upon the floor, beween snowmelt, the bit where mystic moggy relieved himself and a small puddle of blood it's none too clean.
Was she who twirls Requiring of any cosmic wisdom? I'm in cruel need of some preparation H and neither my pot noodle nor my plastic goat is fair substitute! I sent Christopher out for some and he's not come back! So I'd be glad of the work.
Please can you enlighten us as to WHY the chicken did cross the road?
As my offering- oh font of all wisdom - would a bag of frozen peas be accaptable?
Ahhhhhh. Soothing. Thankyou.
The chicken question is an old one.
Do not try to understand why the chicken crossed the road, that's impossible. Instead only try to realise the truth. There is no road. There are two fundamental paradigms at work here. Ours, which admits the existance of chickens and roads, and of course the chickens, which has a very different frame of reference.
Since we are enquiring of the chickens motivation we must work within the chickens paradigm. In that, of course, there is no road because chickens identify landscape as "ground with stuff I can peck on it,""ground which might have things I can peck on it" and "other ground which I'll try pecking at anyway because you never know." There is no word in chicken for "the m25 clockwise".
Oh Mr Bob, Mystical one with guru like answers of greatness and obscurity. (Does your computer have unexplained guru meditations in the style of an amiga 500?). If one would be so kind, I have for thee these questions three:
If the answer to life the universe and everything is 42... Then what is the question?
When will my head stop hurting after reading podiatry arena for more than 2 minutes?
What is the average flight speed of an unladen african swallow?
I will sign this with my brazilian footballer name,
small, yellow, leech-like, and probably the oddest thing in the universe
Semper in excretum sum sed alta variat
Last edited by Robertisaacs : 5th April 2010 at 01:59 AM.
Reason: Could'nt live with the secrecy and deception any longer (or logged in with the wrong ID. Possibly)
Possibly. He thinks he may have covered himself though
THREE questions!?
Cheeky.
But I really need that brush so...
1.
The book says
Quote:
"Narrator: There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
The question is therefore clearly " How many times has the universe been understood and replaced by something more bizarre and inexplicable?"
2. Never. Because like the universe if you ever truly understand biomechanics it implodes and re forms itself as something even more complex.*
3. 42
Thankyou for the brush and soap. I will also require a Can of white spirit as payment for your third question.
The wonders of Google and the powers of Guru Bob ... I do not know about you, but form here Google is occasionally serving up adverts for psychics at the top of this page ....
__________________ Craig Payne
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________ Follow me on Twitter | Run Junkie God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things - right now I am so far behind, I will never die.
The wonders of Google and the powers of Guru Bob ... I do not know about you, but form here Google is occasionally serving up adverts for psychics at the top of this page ....
Yea, Tremble at my power! btw there is a dose of cosmic wisdom still stuck in the spam filter somewhere, pertaining to bel's question about copper insoles. Don't suppose you'd give the net a shake would you? Karma will be thine.
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Re: Guru Bob's Mystic Answers
Oh Guru
Please oh please help me,
I know someone who is as mad as a box of frogs?? Is there a cure?
Also "does my bum look big in this?"
Three cunning plans are open to thee to aid thee in thine extremity.
1. Cut all ties with said nutter. Then you won't know them any more. Problem solved
2. Ensure your box contains all the things frogs like (water, logs, Paul mc cartney, lilies, that style of thing). All else being equal your frogs should calm down and your friend likewise.
3. Cultivate insomnia. Accept the offer of a fight from a stranger you meet on a plane which series of strange events will lead to your forming of a cult and a terrorist act which should destroy capitalism. You'll have to shoot yourself in the cheek but after all that your friend will seem far less mad to you. By comparison.
And to answer your second question, no. On a planetary scale it's tiny.
Guru Bob - I think my wife is also a soothsayer. Any time she walks into the room and I am on the computer, she asks me, before she has even seen the screen, if I am on Pod Arena again..........and she is always right.
Should I try and sell her powers to Living TV for "An audience with RobinP's missus"
Robin
__________________
I see you girls checkin' out my trunks
I see you girls checkin' out the front of my trunks
I see you girls lookin' at my junk, then checkin' out my rump, then back to my sugarlumps
Guru Bob? Are you not a sobriquetnym of the supreme leader - Gordon Brown - who may be seeking some form of worthwhile employment after enforced retirement next month? If so, can you tell us if corns are curable please?
Guru Bob I posted this in another thread, and out of it came a question which in your all knowing, all seeing manor I´m sure you have the answer and some persion experience on the matter - the Guru end of study sessions would have been big.
Quote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simon Spooner
. Alternatively, don't run a marathon.
and to add to Simons post if I may- still listen to the music but with beverage of sorts in hand, sounds like a much better way to spend 3-4 hours, but remember it still involves training. Slowly build up the training loads- but have a massive night the night before rather than rest. Funny how if you had a big night the night before after the 1st beer the day after which may go down with barbed wire, you get through that and off to the olympics in booze consumption. A question for Guru Bob I think.
I've had my rude hut redecorated. It now has automatic sliding doors, although I did have to sell two of the walls to afford them. You like? Is nice I think.
Anyway,
Quote:
and to add to Simons post if I may- still listen to the music but with beverage of sorts in hand, sounds like a much better way to spend 3-4 hours, but remember it still involves training. Slowly build up the training loads- but have a massive night the night before rather than rest. Funny how if you had a big night the night before after the 1st beer the day after which may go down with barbed wire, you get through that and off to the olympics in booze consumption. A question for Guru Bob I think.
So, you think the ease of the second beer (hereafter noted as Ohgodthatsagoodbeerineededthat for the sake of brevity) is affected by the beers of the night before whereas beers 2-12 (hereafter referred to as Angela, Pamela, Sandra, Rita, Monica, Erica, Rita (again), Tina, Sandra (again), Mary and Jessica) are easier because of some kind of quantum flux?
Allow me to answer through the medium of a visual aid.
Its not half drafty in here. Shut the door on your way out, were you born in a barn?
Guru Bob's Mystic Answers
Re: Guru Bob's Mystic Answers
Hybrid Mode
