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When I was a podiatry student I was lying on a hospital bed in my gown in the anaethetists room awaiting a simple procedure to stretch my anal sphincter as I had a fissure, plus a full colonoscopy (too much information?). I was chatting to the nurses, and they asked what I was studying. When I told them one said 'how can you look at people's feet all day?' I replied:
'It's better than what you'll be looking at in a minute!'

Andrew

Why, oh why did I feel the need to Google anal sphincter stretching?!

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:)
twirly

Mandy Brooks
Brooks Podiatry
S64 0DE

Suffering a fondness for odd things.

“ Though the mills of God grind slowly;
Yet they grind exceeding small;
Though with patience he stands waiting,
With exactness grinds he all. ”

Mand dont go there

I have seen a few of them in theatre, you wouldnt believe a car wash sponge would fit !!!!!!
BUT
They make it fit and stay in place and made my eyes water whislt watching thinking how glad the patient must be that he was born after the discovery of anaesthesia
Cheers
Hun
D

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My location

http://www.surreyfootcare.co.uk

"Political Correctness" is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end

1. Have you been busy today?

2. Can you fit me in?

3. Yes I have been wearing the supportive lace up shoes you have advised instead of my slip ons. (Shoes brought in clinic were laced up and the client just slipped then on and off!)

4. Im running a little late. I will be there in 5 minutes ( As If!, when are clients ever only 5 mins late)

5. $8 for an appointment? Im a pensioner can I get any discount.

6. Can you cut my fingernails as well?

7. Are you are student (What do I have to be 60 and grey haired to be qualified????)

8. You did a much better job then the last podiatrist. (I had been treating the same client for 18 months!)

"I don't feel well..... but don't worry dear I get this all the time and I just sleep it off"
............
2 mins later patient stops breathing!

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Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Some of these have been mentioned already,but thought I should give my list anyway,the number one thing I used to hear from patients was

"but these are the most comfortable shoes I've got !"

2nd

"I forgot to bring in the shoes/runners/sandals that are killing me"

3rd

"can't you just do something so I can wear these shoes,they cost me a fortune"

4th (toenails)

" I don't care how short you cut them "

5th (corns)

"can't you just get rid of the roots so they won't grow back again?

6th (Appointments)

"I am sure my appointment was for 10.30 a.m"

"have you got your appointment card?"

"No ,but I am sure"

7th (Care Plan referrals)

"Hasn't my Doctor sent you the referral?"

8th (Podiatry)

"I couldn't stand looking at feet all day"

9th (Podiatry)

"you did 4 years at University to cut my toenails/corns?"

"do you give a pensioner discount?" when 99.9% of your patients are at pensioner age, and you get no discount on rent, supplies etc because you treat pensioners, they have just told you about a recent month holiday to Spain, you notice they are wearing gold rimmed glasses that look $2000 worth, AND you look out the window and see that patient drive off in a new BMW. True story.

It's the same all over the world, you could be talking about one of a hundred of my patients over here in Blighty.

A few more
Do you like this job ? ANSWER -IT'S A LIVING
Have you been doing this all your life.? ANSWER- i HAVEN'T HAD ALL MY LIFE YET
How long have you been doing this job ANSWER-all day
Found a black mass between two toes.Looks ominous.
Inform patient it is chewingum,patient states "I will kill that kid"

My answer was always "I keep my fees at a sensible level so that all my patients benefit from a discount every time they visit"

or

"Yes, I do give discounts to my REGULAR clients"

This thread seems set to run and run. Let us not forget that old favorite as to why the feet had not been attended to - not even the toenails trimmed - for almost a year; " I would have been here sooner but my daughter had a baby."

After taking plaster casts (on a perfectly mobile individual)

Patient: So do you want me to wash my feet off in this water in this basin?
Me: Yes
Patient: Do I do it myself or will you do it for me?
Me:..............................do it yourself..........sigh

The beauty of cling film

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I see you girls checkin' out my trunks
I see you girls checkin' out the front of my trunks
I see you girls lookin' at my junk, then checkin' out my rump, then back to my sugarlumps

Things you don't want to hear from patients:

Hunsband: "Honey, my fingernails seems quite long"
Wife: "Don't worry, the Podiatrist will clip those for you"

how many manicures have you done???

One of my favs " i have this one fingernail......"
if you can do toenails why cant you look at my fingernails ?
If only i had a dollar everytime i heard this!

Works a treat in that situation! How do you overcome the problem of them going blue and dying if you leave it over their mouths for too long though? My patio is starting to look more like a raised garden!

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Robert Isaacs
Specialist in Biomechanical Therapies
www.Footprintspodiatrysolutions.co.uk

small, yellow, leech-like, and probably the oddest thing in the universe

Semper in excretum sum sed alta variat

Hmmm, looks like you're leaving it on too long.

No matter what, you need to start a compost heap. And you need to make sure you get the carbon to nitrogen ratio right or it just wont work.

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Phil Marshman
Mackay, Queensland Australia

You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig ****, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

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My location

hey MJJ,

so that's how you roll in saskatoon? your expertise in this area is disturbing. and fascinating. i've got relatives in Saskatchewan and even lived there for a few months.

i wondered what they fed the pigs during those long cold winters.

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Phil Marshman
Mackay, Queensland Australia

can you recommend me to a good nail saloon?

I do know some pig farmers, but it's an English trick. Where in Saskatchewan are your relatives?

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My location

I remembered the scene from Snatch as soon as you mentioned the pig thing. Great movie, very gritty.

My wife's mum was one of 13 children in a huge german catholic prarie family, so the best question to ask is "where in Saskatchwan aren't my relatives". The're mainly around the Alberta/ Saskatchwan border, tiny little place called Maklin. But they're everywhere all over the west half of Canada, which is what made it such a great place to do a gap year- free places to stay as far as the eye can see.

Getting the thread back on track, has anyone mentioned this one yet-

Something I never want to hear again...

"$82 for an appointment? Over in (insert some other town/ practice/ planet) it only costs me (insert some markedly reduced fee, the likes of which is could not charge unless I had no interest in running a profitable practice).

To which the only logical answer I can give is- "Why are you here, not there? Is it to taunt me, and provoke me to commit homicidal cling film related atrocities? Please, do us all a favour and return to this wonderful semi-mythical place of podiatric care, and never return"

I mean- I WISH I said that. That would have been cool.

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Phil Marshman
Mackay, Queensland Australia

Yesterday we had a guy in who likes to book his appointments based on numbers that have a good vibe. When booking his follow-up he asked "Can I have an appointment on the 33rd?"

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My location

One from today.

Shown in to see a lovely old lady who had dementia.

'Oh it's you dear. I'm afraid I haven't washed my feet . . .since you were here six weeks ago.'

Luckily she had.

"Do you need me to take my nail polish off? It's shellac."

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My location

This made me laugh so much I was almost ill!!!!

I can't believe nobody has commented on the one thing I get asked 500 times a day from the beginning of April through to the end of October:

"Have you had your holiday yet?"

Also guaranteed to make me leave the room sharpish with acute irritation:

"Don't grow old dear" (at least 20 times a week)

My nails are so long I can't walk, I need to come every 4 weeks (on examination about 1 mm of nail regrowth and not eligible for NHS podiatry in the first place but we've been seeing them for the past 20 years)

I'm not allowed to touch my feet I'm a diabetic.

I can't reach my feet to do anything with them *leans down to tweak each toe in turn and twiddle corns etc*

Have you been watching the tennis/olympics/darts/snooker *insert tedious sport of choice*

Isn't it hot/cold/rainy/damp/humid etc today *insert weather condition of choice*

During the war I............................

Pt comes in with horrendous pus filled, massively hypergranulated ingrowing toenail and proceeds to poke it repeatedly to "show" me how bad it is. Wipes pus finger on chair, jumper etc.

My GP says I need to be seen every 3 weeks (person not eligible for NHS podiatry and is wearing 6 inch stilettos)

"The podiatrist I saw last time said you would do the insoles and make me new otoforms today, and I'll need my nails doing and my corns removed as well".

Me: Really *disbelief*

1. why would anyone want to work with feet?
2. why did you choose to become a podiatrist?
3. whats the difference between a podiatrist and a chiropodist?
4. you must see a lot of horrible feet?
5. are my feet the worst ones you've seen?
6. the other podiatrist cut my foot (ie if you cut me i will tell on you also)
7.patient: doctor.. my foot is ... .me: I am not a doctor, i am a podiatrist... patient continues to adress me as a doctor....i say i am not a doctor, i am a podiatrist

And repeat ad nauseam for the next 20 minutes

But they're OLD

Have a little more patience with them and LISTEN to what they tell you about the war

Maybe one day who knows you may have influence into stopping anything like that happening again EVER !!

From me ( an old guy)

Be Lucky

Cheers
D

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My location

http://www.surreyfootcare.co.uk

"Political Correctness" is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end