Podiatry Arena members do not see these ads

DTT, you are old, like me. They're old.
, not their old. Don't let us oldies down.
I agree, listen to your patients and learn.

(insert relation of choice) of Patient: while we're here can you look at my feet too.... not that I expect treatment...or anything.... just so I know what's wrong with them... because.. I have (insert condition of choice) too

Me:

__________________
Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

A patient after telling you their whole, entire history of a corn, asking for a job!

Recently had a pt telling me about his WWII antics, and was impressed, being shot down over Holland, being rescued by a Holland family, smuggled into Northern France etc., only to realise after he left the building, he was born in 1932, making him 13 at the end of the war!

__________________
“Body: A thing of shreds and patches, borrowed unequally from good and bad ancestors and a misfit from the start”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

One of my patients once told me they had "Old Timers Disease", I think you'll find its called Alzheimers Disease. I also had someone say once they were suffering from "various veins". Also how many times have you been told by your patient that they have "Prostrate" problems. So that means you have problems lying face down? Oh you mean Prostate!

__________________
Nothing succeeds like a Budgie!

One of my patients once told me they had "Old Timers Disease", I think you'll find its called Alzheimers Disease. I also had someone say once they were suffering from "various veins". Also how many times have you been told by your patient that they have "Prostrate" problems. So that means you have problems lying face down? Oh you mean Prostate!

__________________
Nothing succeeds like a Budgie!

Lady patient says "I'll just be ready in a minute" as they go behind the screen, emerging shortly after wearing knickers and a smile! (My answer to this is to smile back and say "You had better put your trousers on or you could catch a chill".)

I've learnt plenty thanks, I've been working in the NHS for 30 years, unfortunately I'm at that age when my patience is very thin but my waistline isn't

Not so much a hate but I had trouble keeping a staight face during the medical history when she told me "I had a lot of trouble with my utopia last year"

And the first fee of the day offering £50 pound note with "I'm sorry I haven't got change..." answer 'well thats only fair, neither have I'

At parties most people get the hint at the reply 'you wouldn't believe my out of office antisocial consultation fee' if that doesn't work try taking their address fot the invoice!

Met a nice couple and their children on holiday, it took three days and I was asked about occupation. When I told them the reply was "Thank God, someone else who understands that their condtion isn't the most interesting thing for me today" they were both GPs.

Another friend waits a while having informed the listener he is a Doctor and when they get to piles and bowel movements tell the he is a Doctor of Divinity. Never failes to crack me up at their faces.

In my clinic last week:-

Me, Good morning what can I do for you?

Patient, Ermm Ive got this pain in my feet that comes and goes depending on which trousers I wear .

Me, Err sorry run that one past me again.

Patient, repeats statement.

Me, can I ask ( biting lip to suppress hysterical laughter) is it you shorts that hurt your feet more that your long trousers ?

Patient, NO I think it is my long trousers that cause more pain.

Me, ( by now eyes watering , blaming hay fever) and do you wear the same shoes with your shorts and long trousers ?

Patient, No I wear sandals or trainers with my shorts and leather shoes with my trousers.

Me,( Now choking to suppress laughter) do you think its possible it is your shoes that are giving you foot pain rather than your trousers.

Patient, POSSIBLY I hadn't thought of that !!!

At that point I had to excuse myself for a moment to find a quiet place where I could slide down the wall laughing.

Cheers
D

__________________
My location

http://www.surreyfootcare.co.uk

"Political Correctness" is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end

thanks for that one dtt, cracked me up just reading it! best laugh i've had all day

During the very hot spell we had earlier this year (remember?) a twenty something girl, studying here at Oxford for a PhD (so presumably among the top 1% of the countries intelligentsia) arrived for her first appointment with me.
She was distraught. Due to run in the London marathon she explained, but now she had developed this terrible fungal skin condition, her feet were gross, and so sore she said.
Take off your Ugg boots and we'll have a look I replied. She revealed the offending feet, White, macerated, sore. How often do you wear these sheepskin boots I asked.
Oh! They're so comfy I wear them all the time she replied, adjusting her sundress.
What can I do? What's the treatment?
I wiped my sweaty brow.
Trench foot, self inflicted....

Sorry I can't attend today my husband has just died and he brought my father and myself for our Podiatry appointments - It's such an inconvenience!!!!!

Or

A patient who lived in a tower block phoned to say ---- Just to let you know Mrs ***** has died!

She had an appointment for next week - could I have it as she can't attend!!

Yup I've had this happen but the best one in a pub in gen conversation
"Oh yes I've got fungal nails and now I've got jockey's itch"

At 3pm........."Am I your last patient".

With a decent fee, and a 10 am start, and an hour for lunch, I often finish at 3 pm

Get into private practice x

Favourite from last month ; "OH, you make orthotics do you? Well I have PORTABLE orthotics!"

Not sure if I was supposed to be impressed.......

And then the disturbing one from last week from one of my younger clients.....

"You're awesome F, even when you're baked".

I would like to point out (as I had to the client) that i was severely jet lagged. Really REALLY jet lagged. Never going back to Europe again, I'm too old.

"Panty Flashi - i-tits" This is the most potentially inappropriate way I have heard it said. People have been locked up for less

__________________
I see you girls checkin' out my trunks
I see you girls checkin' out the front of my trunks
I see you girls lookin' at my junk, then checkin' out my rump, then back to my sugarlumps

Here's one I had last week. "Just take a gun and blow me away."

She was in a much better mood when I saw her again this week.

__________________
My location

"I would have been here sooner (last seen 16 months before - no attention whatsoever in intervening time) but my daughter had a baby."

I thought about that but then realised that I'd actually have to be nice to people and I just don't think I could cope

Yours Father Jack

I envy those of you who live inland, the season of freezing home visits by the seaside is almost upon us.

Me at one of the many sea front retirement flats I frequent: Banging at the door for half an hour, chucking stones at the window and shouting through the letterbox as the waves crash over the road and the wind reduces my carefully coiffured hair to a haystack.
Just as I'm about to leave with a seaweed toupee the patient answers the door and says, "Have you been there long dear? I couldn't hear you with my hearing aids out".

On another occasion my car wouldn't go up the hill in the deep snow so I had to walk half a mile uphill towards the cliff edge in a freezing blizzard to see a patient who needed an ulcer redressed, not exactly something you can leave for another day. I'm standing at the door covered in snow, frostbitten nose and again carefully coiffured hair destroyed and the patient opens the door and says, " You're late, can you hurry up my hairdressers due".

I kid you not.

A reminder to me of why I gave up doms many years ago

Cheers
D

__________________
My location

http://www.surreyfootcare.co.uk

"Political Correctness" is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end

Things I never want to hear again from patients......

Last Friday had a new client in. I was assessing this and that and had him pegged as an old, dirty man - judging by the clothing and hygeine.

I quickly added dirty old man to that too after he asked if I was wearing a thong.

What about CORN CAPS published on Podiatri Now October 2012 ?

Were you?

Regards,

Dirty old man

I realise that not everyone takes this type of humour in the way that I do or that in written form it carries the same sense of jocularity, so i will qualify that by saying that i am joking....I bet you were wearing one though

__________________
I see you girls checkin' out my trunks
I see you girls checkin' out the front of my trunks
I see you girls lookin' at my junk, then checkin' out my rump, then back to my sugarlumps

Contacting HCPC;ICU (Or whomsoever they are called this week) as i type! 'Misconduct'. Podyytrists/Shruppodists have no tolerance for such disgraceful innuendo. Ooh Matron........

__________________
:)
twirly

Mandy Brooks
Brooks Podiatry
S64 0DE

Suffering a fondness for odd things.

“ Though the mills of God grind slowly;
Yet they grind exceeding small;
Though with patience he stands waiting,
With exactness grinds he all. ”