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A bloke goes to the local council to apply for a job in the office. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes, caffeine."

"Have you ever worked for the public service before?" "Yes, I was in the army." he says, "I was in Iraq for two tours."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points towards employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy says, "Yes. A mine exploded near me when I was there and I lost both of my testicles".

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough points for me to take you on right away.

Our normal hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm.......but you can start tomorrow at 10.00am - and carry on starting at 10.00am every day."

The bloke is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm, why don't you want me here until 10.00am? I'm not looking for any special treatment y'know"

"What you have to understand is that this is a council job," the interviewer says, "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our bollocks. There's no point in you
coming in for that."

Cheers
D

__________________
My location

http://www.surreyfootcare.co.uk

"Political Correctness" is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end

The mother-in-law comes home and finds her son-in-law furious and packing his suitcase.

"What happened?" she asked.

Son in law: "What happened? - I'll tell you what happened! I sent an email to Mary saying that I was coming home from my trip today. I got home and guess what I found?....... My wife, yes your daughter, with a naked guy in our marital bed! This is the end of our marriage, I will leave forever!"

"Calm down!" says mother-in-law, "There is something odd about this story. Mary would never do such a thing! Wait a minute while I check what happened."

Moments later she comes back with a big smile.
"You see, I told you there must be a simple explanation..............


Mary didn't receive your email!!"

Cheers
D

__________________
My location

http://www.surreyfootcare.co.uk

"Political Correctness" is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house. As he passes through the swinging

doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

COLD BEER: £5.00

HAMBURGER: £10.00

CHEESEBURGER: £15.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH: £18.50


HAND JOB: £ 250.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money,

the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving

drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.

She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.

Yes, she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. May I help you sir?

The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, I was wondering young lady,

are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here? She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with

a wide smile purrs, Yes sir, I sure am.

The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly,.........




Well then, be sure to wash your hands real good, because I want a cheeseburger.

cheers
D

__________________
My location

http://www.surreyfootcare.co.uk

"Political Correctness" is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end

Last trip to the store.....

When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."
Making a mental note so I could complain to our MP about this running amok Homeland Security crap, I did just as he had instructed.
After the shrieking and hysterical remarks finally subsided, I found out that he was referring to how I should position my credit card in the machine.

Nonetheless, I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

Damn it, they need to make their instructions a little clearer for seniors.



Cheers
D

__________________
My location

http://www.surreyfootcare.co.uk

"Political Correctness" is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end