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From an elderly lady who seems to have a bit of dementia:

"I have an amazing memory, it just doesn't seem to be mine."

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" I washed my feet last week" ( and was proud of the fact!)

On being told he had interdigital tinea...
" Oh, I know how to fix that. I used to have a Maltese Terrier & he'd lick & lick my toes. Maybe I should get another one" ( last one died from what dread disease?)

Or the diabetic who says " I can eat whatever I like now, I take this medication..."
Cheers, Kara

[quote=Kara47;281456
Or the diabetic who says " I can eat whatever I like now, I take this medication..."
Cheers, Kara[/QUOTE]

once on a home visit i had a lady munch her way through an entire bag of Thorntons Diabetic toffee "it's for my diabetes, the more I eat the better I get. Cures it". Uhuh. My patient education failed miserably. I think I was just ****** off she didn't offer me any.

Another visit in the same county; patient drinking pilsner before 11am. Think there had been one or two before that open bottle. Again patient education failing miserably as client believed it was good for him; "all the sugar turns to alcohol so I'm fine". yeah................

Here's one I had with a patient's daughter.

Daughter: Why didn't you cast my mom for orthotics?
Me: Because she said no.
Daughter: Well, why didn't you do it anyway?

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Hahaha, Peter. Pub consults are my new fave thing to do on the weekend. Did an insole addition and fitting in a restaurant the other night lol

Hope you washed your hands afterwards!

From a patient today... "Will I be able to get my shoes on with that dressing?"
I would have liked to say "Of course not, I just enjoy watching my patients try" but I didn't.

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Nothing succeeds like a Budgie!

Bahahaa, I always get that one. I think..hmm no, I'm sure that extra 2mm on your PIPJ may even impede your driving.. and possibly getting into bed.. We should take it off.. don't even know why I put if on.. in fact I'm not entirely sure why you didn't just go to the dentist instead...Well that's if I actually did think about it

This whole thread should be re-titled 'Patients; Don't you just love em?' Things they say every day make you smile, makes the day fly by.

I have been tempted to put up a sign outside 'Podiatry While-U-Wait' and sit back to see the reactions.

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Nothing succeeds like a Budgie!

Or even worse than calling Mrs Smith Mr smith...

Pod - "When is the baby due....?

Pt - ...... You cheeky sod I'm just BIG BONED!"

*yipes*

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When you look into the Abyss...

..The Abyss also looks into you....

From Patient's/general public:
-So do you do fingernails as well?
-I've never been to see the Pederast before......
-So this is for my feet then?
-So what's your real job then?
-Them: So what do you do then? Me: I'm a Podiatrist. Them: Ah well not everyone can be a Doctor eh.....

Doctors/Nurses:
-He needs his fingernails cutting..... Gah!
-Oh she always thrashes around and screams when you come near her, just hold her down..

I heard this the other day:

"I prosupinate."

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after asking my receptionist if her treating podiatrist is tall dark and handsome, I was told that after my receptionist's answer, the patient proceeded to say...: "well tell him to watch out cause i'll might just rape him"

Now I know what your thinking but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and saw her.

Patient:"My feet are my erogenous zone....."
me: ok..
after some time in treatment,nail filings starts.
Me: Are you ok?"
Patient: "Yes, i mean you know, my feet are my erogenous zone...:

Winter brings many nasty bugs to our clients, especially the elderly. Over these months I tend to wear a mask most of the time to reduce my own chances of cathing or spreading germs.

However last week I was most glad I kept the mask on the hide my mirth.

One of our octogenarians "escaped the quarantine at the home to come have my feet done." To which I replied "Goodness, is it the flu going around your residence?".

Nope. "They said it was the Walmart Virus".

Be careful.....Many years ago there was a 'fad' for using Entonox prior to L.A. An attractive lady came into a colleague's practice for nail surgery and requested Entonox. She was noted to be breathing very heavily, reached out, grabbed my colleague's hand and proceeded to use it to massage her breast and managed to climax. The procedure was, as they say, otherwise uneventful. When she had recovered she simply smiled and said that she had become 'excited'. The attending nursing sister replied that she certainly had done!

Bill Liggins

Goodaye Bill, I was reading this out to my good wife, next thing, I'm heaved off the computer chair and she's googling 'Entonox' ......

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LIBERAL small 'l' AND PROUD"

Sigh, was going to stop posting on here and go post on some more serious topics however.................

Patient came in for an insole fitting...wearing flip flops, couldn't see what the problem was. I was sorely tempted to stick a 5 degree medial rearfoot post on the bottom of said flip flop and a semi compressed felt arch support on the top but I need to pay off more of my mortgage before being struck off the register.

Patient numero deux as I finish doing her feet on a home visit while various green looking relatives wander in and out of the room:

"We've all got novo virus but I couldn't wait any longer to have my feet done as my nails are so long (around 1mm of growth in reality).

Me: You didn't think to tell me before the treatment.

Patient: Blank look of incomprehension.

I've had a few frisky octogenarians recently....One exclaimed as I was on my knees in front of her 'Well its been a long time since I've had a young man on his knees before me'

Another lady whom I visit has a bit of a hearing issue and was relying on her daughter to translate if you like....I came to see her at 1 o'clock as i'd arranged 8 weeks prior and she'd forgotten I was coming...her daughter asked her what time she'd like me to come back later in the day to see her and she answered 'About 11pm, thats my bedtime...you can come and tuck me in if you like' Needless to say as a relatively young fellow not used to being flirty with the elderly I was at a loss for words after these two encounters

1. "I thought I came in with 10 toes"?
2. Oops, sorry doc, I was in a hurry and forgot to put on any underwear (as the Midmark chair raises the patients feet to eye level)
3. "Well "THEY" say......."
Footnote: Who the heck are these mysterious "They:?? When I hear that word, I think of those Supreme Court Of Krypton Judges in white on those high benches who were "know it alls" and judge, jury, and executioners, who banned those 3 criminals to that weird space triangle thing that was banned forever in space!

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Cool License Plate for Footdudes:

"2 Foots"

I sometimes treat patients who have been to a well known British High Street 'Podiatry' chain. One asked recently what the difference was between a Podiatrist and a Chiropodist? I gave my standard reply of there is no real difference apart from the name. Then she asked, what then is a Shuropodist? and she spelt it out.

My reply was "I have no idea!"

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Nothing succeeds like a Budgie!

Lol how about I got this tablet from my grandson

Not sure if I posted this one already.....

Transatlantic call from my Mother;

Parent: "I got a bunion last night"
Me; (Good God I've been telling you for fifteen years to do this that and the other) "really? (but with scarcasm) how did that happen Ma?"
Parent: " I have no idea, it's not like I ever wear shoes..... I'm always barefoot or in sandals"
Me: (Hit head repeatedly with phone)

"Yeah, can you get me in this afternoon? I had an appointment at 8 but I didn't make it."

At least apologize for missing the 8 o'clock appointment.

We had this message on our voice mail a while ago:
patient: "Hi, I'm going to be about 15 minutes late for my appointment, traffic is really bad."
voice in background: "It's going to be more like half an hour."
patient: "I know, I'm just saying 15 minutes so they'll hold my appointment for me."

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Yup! Happened to me once too! He looked like a man but was a Sheila!

I crawled back into my hole!

OMG Awesome responses LMFAO!!!! Funny how my thread started and I wasn't sure if I would get many replies but BAMMO!!!! Thanks all!!!

Friggin funny!!!

Just this week I got someone asking about a prescription for their "suppository socks". Quite.