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Why did the chicken cross the road?

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  #1  
Old 12th July 2006, 06:52 AM
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Default Why did the chicken cross the road?

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WARNING: Only those with 'thick' skin should read this thread ... as you may come up.



Podiatry Arena has its fair share of 'personalities' ... its now time to take the mickey out of some of them.

So lets ask others what they think different posters would say in answer to the question:


Why did the chicken cross the road?


Please keep it funny and not offensive.

I will see if I can organise a sponsor for a prize for the funniest.
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Old 12th July 2006, 06:55 AM
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I will start:

Karl Landorf: "Because after a randomised controlled trail, it was statistically significant that it should cross the road"

Kevin Kirby: "Because its subtalar joint axis was medially deviated"

Simon Spooner "Because the Simon Spooner school of etiquette was on the other side of the road"

What say you?
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Old 12th July 2006, 02:02 PM
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Stephen Tucker: "Its not allowed to cross the road until legislative changes are made"
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Old 12th July 2006, 02:43 PM
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Cameron Kippen: Because its feathers are just the best for tickles!
Dave Holland: Because chickens are well adapted for hard, flat surfaces.
Ed Glaser: Because hey! Sole Supports work for chickens to (or should that be too?)
Professor Brian Rothbart: Because Proprioceptive Insoles have been proven to ease egg laying in Italian chicks - see video evidence at: www.rothbartsfoot.com/chicken.egg
Simon Spooner: Coz Uncle Kevin said it should. And if you fu@k!n£ argue I'll kick your sh!tty head in.
Kevin Kirby: Because research has proved (verified in peer reviwed journals) that once across the road, the chicken the chicken will find itself in the Zone of Optimal Stress (unless it's been run over by a car in the process). References:
1. Baitch SP, Blake RL, Fineagan PL, Senatore J: Biomechanical analysis of chicken legs with 25 degree inverted orthotic devices. JAPMA, 81:647-652, 1991.
2. Bates BT, Osternig LR, Mason B, James LS: Foot orthotic devices to modify selected aspects of lower extremity chicken mechanics. Am J Sp Med, 7:328-31, 1979.
3. Blake RL, Denton JA: Functional foot orthoses for chicken injuries: A retrospective study. JAPMA, 75:359-362, 1985.
4. Blake RL: Inverted functional peckers. JAPMA, 76:275-276, 1986.
5. Blake RL, Ferguson H: Foot orthoses for the severe flatclaws in chickens. JAPMA, 81:549, 1991.
6. Blake RL, Ferguson H: The inverted pecker technique: Its role in chicken rearing., pp. 465-497, in Valmassy, R.L.(ed.), Clinical Biomechanics of chickens, Mosby-Year Book, St. Louis, 1996.
7. Butler RJ, McClay-Davis IS, Laughton CM, Hughes M. Dual-function peckers: Effect on hens and control of over-anxious cocks. Chicken Intl, 24:410-414, 2003.
8. Chalmers AC, Busby C, Goyert J, Porter B, Schulzer M: Beak strain and avian rheumatoid arthritis-a randomized, single blind, sequential trial . J Chicken Rheum, 27:1643-1647, 2000.
9. Cheung JT, Zhang M: A 3-dimensional finite element model of the chicken foot and ankle for insole design. Arch Phys Med Rehabil, 86:353-358, 2005.
10. Dananberg HJ, Guiliano M: Chronic beak pain and its response to custom-made grain feeders. 89:109-117, 1999.
11. D’Ambrosia RD: Custom devices in chicken running injuries. Clin. Hen Sports Med., 4:611-618, 1985.
12. Donnatelli R, Hurlbert C, et al: Biomechanical claw orthotics: A retrospective study. J Ortho Sp Phys Ther, 10:205-212, 1988.
13. Dorland’s Illustrated Veterinary Dictionary, 25th ed., W.B. Saunders, Philadelphia, 1974.
14. Duffin AC, Kidd R, Chan A, Donaghue KC: High plantar pressure and callus in farmyard animals . Incidence and treatment. JAPMA, 93:214-220, 2003.
15. Dugan RC, D’Ambrosia RD: The effect of orthotics on the treatment of selected running injuries in hens. Foot Ankle, 6:313, 1986.
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Old 12th July 2006, 03:06 PM
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Craig Payne - because its theoretically coherent and biologically plausible that it should cross the road
Biomech - you guys are useless and have not given me the answer I wanted, so it won't cross the road
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Old 12th July 2006, 03:10 PM
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For those that missed it (...I did on first read), go back and have a close look at the reference list posted by Mark.
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Old 12th July 2006, 04:46 PM
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why not?, it's a BEAUTIFULl day
Splendid,
Cheers,
Felicity
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  #8  
Old 12th July 2006, 05:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark Russell
Cameron Kippen: Because its feathers are just the best for tickles!
Dave Holland: Because chickens are well adapted for hard, flat surfaces.
Ed Glaser: Because hey! Sole Supports work for chickens to (or should that be too?)
Professor Brian Rothbart: Because Proprioceptive Insoles have been proven to ease egg laying in Italian chicks - see video evidence at: www.rothbartsfoot.com/chicken.egg
Simon Spooner: Coz Uncle Kevin said it should. And if you fu@k!n£ argue I'll kick your sh!tty head in.
Kevin Kirby: Because research has proved (verified in peer reviwed journals) that once across the road, the chicken the chicken will find itself in the Zone of Optimal Stress (unless it's been run over by a car in the process). References:
1. Baitch SP, Blake RL, Fineagan PL, Senatore J: Biomechanical analysis of chicken legs with 25 degree inverted orthotic devices. JAPMA, 81:647-652, 1991.
2. Bates BT, Osternig LR, Mason B, James LS: Foot orthotic devices to modify selected aspects of lower extremity chicken mechanics. Am J Sp Med, 7:328-31, 1979.
3. Blake RL, Denton JA: Functional foot orthoses for chicken injuries: A retrospective study. JAPMA, 75:359-362, 1985.
4. Blake RL: Inverted functional peckers. JAPMA, 76:275-276, 1986.
5. Blake RL, Ferguson H: Foot orthoses for the severe flatclaws in chickens. JAPMA, 81:549, 1991.
6. Blake RL, Ferguson H: The inverted pecker technique: Its role in chicken rearing., pp. 465-497, in Valmassy, R.L.(ed.), Clinical Biomechanics of chickens, Mosby-Year Book, St. Louis, 1996.
7. Butler RJ, McClay-Davis IS, Laughton CM, Hughes M. Dual-function peckers: Effect on hens and control of over-anxious cocks. Chicken Intl, 24:410-414, 2003.
8. Chalmers AC, Busby C, Goyert J, Porter B, Schulzer M: Beak strain and avian rheumatoid arthritis-a randomized, single blind, sequential trial . J Chicken Rheum, 27:1643-1647, 2000.
9. Cheung JT, Zhang M: A 3-dimensional finite element model of the chicken foot and ankle for insole design. Arch Phys Med Rehabil, 86:353-358, 2005.
10. Dananberg HJ, Guiliano M: Chronic beak pain and its response to custom-made grain feeders. 89:109-117, 1999.
11. D’Ambrosia RD: Custom devices in chicken running injuries. Clin. Hen Sports Med., 4:611-618, 1985.
12. Donnatelli R, Hurlbert C, et al: Biomechanical claw orthotics: A retrospective study. J Ortho Sp Phys Ther, 10:205-212, 1988.
13. Dorland’s Illustrated Veterinary Dictionary, 25th ed., W.B. Saunders, Philadelphia, 1974.
14. Duffin AC, Kidd R, Chan A, Donaghue KC: High plantar pressure and callus in farmyard animals . Incidence and treatment. JAPMA, 93:214-220, 2003.
15. Dugan RC, D’Ambrosia RD: The effect of orthotics on the treatment of selected running injuries in hens. Foot Ankle, 6:313, 1986.
Mark,

My opinion of you has been elevated significantly by your analysis above. Haven't laughed that hard at a posting on Pod Arena...........ever!!
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Old 12th July 2006, 08:04 PM
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Default Engineering Factors Affecting Chicken Cross-Road Performance

David Smith: In order to analyze the optimum movement path vector that a chicken makes when ambulating cross-road, the following diagram will illustrate how movement path vector of the chicken is affected by the road-path vector of chicken and the weight of the chicken.
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File Type: jpg Chicken analyzing road.jpg (44.8 KB, 1180 views)
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Old 12th July 2006, 08:10 PM
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I can personally vouch for this cockerel; if he has the intuitive drive to traverse that great divide I assure you it would be difficult to doubt his ability….so refreshing to see the youth out there making decisions for themselves…… I have known this young go-getter since noah took his first pee……….Here I go again, oh how I love it………you’ve got to admire him, when I was of his age I was busy “undertaking extensive personal participant observation research into the mechanisms of procreation while simultaneously investigating the effects of ethanol on the higher cortical functions,
...............................................(re d-heads, love’em)
Cheers,
Felicity
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Old 12th July 2006, 08:34 PM
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Cameron Kippen: Because he could, demonstrating beautifully that in the beginning was the foot, (well claw) and not a blinking, gobbledegook foot orthoses in situ. And of course because it has got the best feathers for tickling, goes without saying.

Admin2: The chicken would not have had to cross the road had he stuck to the previous theme on this topic. Chicken crossing
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Old 12th July 2006, 09:15 PM
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Default Sexual Habits of Chickens

Cameron Kippen: In the pre-Elizabethan era, chickens were routinely known to use their feathers and claws as important part of their courtship dance. Even this was thought to be taboo behavior by the more prudish society of the time, the sexually stimulating feather swinging was routinely carried out behind closed chicken-house doors. In addition, to avoid harm to their roosters, the chickens would rub their claws on any rough surface, such as cobblestones, until their claws became silky smooth to give their mates more sexual pleasure. This mating ritual still exists, which explains why chickens still smooth their claws by repeated walking back and forth across road surfaces, to this day.
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Old 12th July 2006, 09:22 PM
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Because if you look at the modern chicken leg it is not significantly different from the remains of "Kentucky Fried Boy". Have you looked at them? I have?- DavidH
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Old 12th July 2006, 09:32 PM
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Oooooohh wwaaaaa......................ADMIN, SIMON'S BEIN' NAUGHTY AGAIN
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Old 12th July 2006, 10:15 PM
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To see his flat mate!!
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Old 12th July 2006, 10:20 PM
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To reach the soft and undulating ground on the other side of course.
Although that road he has to cross looks awfully flat and hard to me!
(DavidH).

Where has it been shown that the chicken wants to cross the road in the first place?
And has this data ever been published in any peer-reviewed Journals?
Is that chicken even qualified to cross the road?
(Simon Spooner).
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Old 12th July 2006, 10:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kevin Kirby
My opinion of you has been elevated significantly by your analysis above. Haven't laughed that hard at a posting on Pod Arena...........ever!!
Not sure how to take that. Does that mean I'm somewhere between Steady Eddie and the Prof? Damn.
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Old 13th July 2006, 02:27 AM
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Just completed some research on road crossing in chickens using F-scan:


Evaluation of ground reaction forces produced by chickens walking across a road.

Payne, C., Student A., Student B.


OBJECTIVE: To evaluate the use of a force plate as a method for objective gait analysis in adult poultry, to characterize ground reaction forces (GRFs) produced in adult chickens during normal walking across the road, and to assess the variability of GRFs. ANIMALS: 18 clinically normal 5-month-old Brown Leghorn hens. PROCEDURE: Vertical, craniocaudal, and mediolateral GRFs were measured as hens walked across a standard force plate embedded in the middle of a runway. RESULTS: All GRFs were significantly affected by speed, and variability was high. With increasing speed, overall stance time decreased, but the percentage of stance time spent in braking or propulsion remained approximately equal. There was an overall increase in maximum propulsion force, which was produced at a greater rate over a shorter time; thus, propulsion integral decreased. Maximum braking forces and braking integrals were variable, but the rate at which the forces were generated increased. Mediolateral forces were 2 to 3 times greater in hens than values that have been reported for other species. CONCLUSIONS AND CLINICAL RELEVANCE: A standard force plate can be used to objectively measure GRFs in walking adult hens; however, the large variation in the data suggests that the technique in its current form would be of limited clinical use. Overall, vertical and craniocaudal forces had similar characteristics to those of other species, whereas mediolateral forces were found to be much greater in chickens than for other species.
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Old 13th July 2006, 04:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark Russell
Not sure how to take that. Does that mean I'm somewhere between Steady Eddie and the Prof? Damn.
Didn't know you had the sense of humor thing mastered yet, Mark.
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Old 13th July 2006, 05:16 AM
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Default Chicken Burns Toilet Seat on Road

Simon Spooner: I watched the chicken cross the road and quite frankly I've had better laughs watching children burn. Wouldn't trust this chicken to sit the right way round on a toilet seat. By the way, who stole my nicotine patches?!

Craig Payne: Students need to check for their own references on chicken crossing since I'm too busy keeping this ******* website from exploding!

David Holland: It's obvious that the deformed shape of the claws seen in today's chicken is due to our chicken ancestors not having adapted to the hard, flat surfaces that it must continually cross today.
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Old 13th July 2006, 06:56 AM
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Seasoned clinician: The chicken glimpsed a light on the horizon and it is going to cross the road for checking if the truth is out there without realizing that a 3 tons truck from the Randomised Control Trial company will smash it within a few seconds.
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Old 13th July 2006, 06:59 AM
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Default Because . . .

Simon Spooner: In order to receive the proper bitch-slapping it deserves and for world-class toilet training

Kevin Kirby: it is mesmerized, blindly following the shadows of its STJ axes
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Old 13th July 2006, 09:38 AM
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Simon Spooner: To avoid me. (Have I been grumpy since giving up smoking or what?)
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Old 13th July 2006, 09:46 AM
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Deiter Fellner: Because I had sent it there to take a long hard think about it's proclivity for the crude and vernacular and immature behaviour, implied or otherwise. I respect courtesy and professionalism, the chickens dubious sense of 'wit' notwithstanding. You need to learn good manners and be patronized hence I shall call you "Young Rooster."
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Old 13th July 2006, 06:32 PM
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Smile Chicken's Dilema

Ok, I'll bite.

Ed Glaser: Because we lowered the head of the first, its on the DVD.

Kevin: You know nothing of chickens crossing the road, you have not read the numerous studies and my newsletters on how the position of the STJ axis is effecting the etiology of chicken trans-location across highways.

Simon S.: That %#$!@ing chicken is just promoting his product and not answering my questions on the symantics and linguistics of physics. So why did the egg cross the road....because it was so inclined? In what plane?

Just in Fun,
Ed :)
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Old 16th July 2006, 03:08 PM
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Bob Kidd: There's a paper in that.
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Old 17th July 2006, 10:31 PM
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Because it was there - of course! What's the point in having a road if ya can't cross it?
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Old 18th July 2006, 03:13 AM
DaveK DaveK is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark Russell
Simon Spooner: Coz Uncle Kevin said it should. And if you fu@k!n£ argue I'll kick your sh!tty head in.
Classic!
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Old 21st July 2006, 03:42 AM
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Robertisaacs Robertisaacs is offline
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In the NHS a taskforce of senior managers and clinicians has been looking into ways to maximize the effectiveness of chickens crossing the road to modernise the process and ensure our chicken move in the most economic and effective ways possible. Our trust has recently employeed a poultry highways facilitation director to look into the problem on a local level. The proposal is to build a traffic island in the middle of the road so that the chicken can cross in half the time and therefore at half the cost. Some clinicians pointed out that this was a false economy because the chicken will, in fact, never get across the road but they clearly have no understanding of the wider issues. A working party has also been set up to advise the chicken on exactly how to cross the road and we anticipate this will safeguard the road crossing process in an uncertain financial climate for years to come.


Robert
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  #30  
Old 24th July 2006, 12:57 AM
Ridwaan Ridwaan is offline
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Default ziggy

ZIGGY: TO HITCH A LIFT IN A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO REACH THE CONFERENCE OF "SAVING OUR SOLES"

Last edited by Admin : 24th July 2006 at 01:11 AM. Reason: removed quote
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