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20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

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Heres a few more


Leave the copy machine set to 99 copies, reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper.


Reply to everything someone says with "That's what YOU think."

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss.

Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping the bottom of your chin. When nearly
done, announce, "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook
and mutter something about "psychological profiles."

This one works best if you work in a large organisation like the NHS. send around an envelope containing a petri dish , a denture cleaning tablet and instructions. Say that some of the buildings have been found to contain toxic chemicals in the construction materials. Get them to put some water in the dish and place the tablet in the water. If nothing happens it is safe. If it fizzes then the air contains toxins, evacuate immediatly!

Send around a memo saying that overnight they are going to blow the static through the phones. Get them to tie a plastic bag to the phone mouthpiece then when everyone has gone home, fill the bags with fluff or pocket lint.

Tape down the reciever button on somebodies phone, then ring them.

Here's one that worked well about 20 years ago. Seed the rumour that in order to avoid confusion with the medical profession, in future podiatrists will have to wear brown coats with the word 'chiropodist' printed on the back. It's interesting to see how far and fast the rumour travels. It certainly drives some people insane!

Bill Liggins