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"I saw a poll that said the right track/wrong track in Iraq was better than here in America. It's pretty darn strong. I mean, the people see a better future." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004
"I'm not the expert on how the Iraqi people think, because I live in America, where it's nice and safe and secure." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004
"When I take action, I'm not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt. It's going to be decisive." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C. Sept. 19, 2001
"The suicide bombings have increased. There's too many of them." -George W. Bush, Albuquerque, N.M., Aug. 15, 2001
"The CIA laid out several scenarios and said life could be lousy, life could be OK, life could be better, and they were just guessing as to what the conditions might be like." -George W. Bush, New York City, Sept. 21, 2004
"As you know, we don't have relationships with Iran. I mean, that's - ever since the late '70s, we have no contacts with them, and we've totally sanctioned them. In other words, there's no sanctions - you can't - we're out of sanctions." -George W. Bush, Annandale, Va, Aug. 9, 2004
"Neither in French nor in English nor in Mexican." -George W. Bush, declining to take reporters' questions during a photo op with Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien, April 21, 2001
"I hope you leave here and walk out and say, 'What did he say?'" -George W. Bush, Beaverton, Oregon, Aug. 13, 2004
"Let me put it to you bluntly. In a changing world, we want more people to have control over your own life." -George W. Bush, Annandale, Va, Aug. 9, 2004
"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." -George W. Bush, Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004 (Watch video clip)
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." -Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004 (Watch video clip)
"There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again." -Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002 (Watch video clip)
"Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" -Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000
"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." -Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000
"I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." -Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002
"So community colleges are accessible, they're available, they're affordable, and their curriculums don't get stuck. In other words, if there's a need for a certain kind of worker, I presume your curriculums evolved over time." -George W. Bush, Niceville, Fla., Aug. 10, 2004
"I wish I wasn't the war president. Who in the heck wants to be a war president? I don't." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004
"I mean, if you've ever been a governor of a state, you understand the vast potential of broadband technology, you understand how hard it is to make sure that physics, for example, is taught in every classroom in the state. It's difficult to do. It's, like, cost-prohibitive." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 24, 2004
"And I am an optimistic person. I guess if you want to try to find something to be pessimistic about, you can find it, no matter how hard you look, you know?" -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 15, 2004
"I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 25, 2004
"Like you, I have been disgraced about what I've seen on TV that took place in prison." -George W. Bush, Parkersburg, West Virginia, May 13, 2004
"My job is to, like, think beyond the immediate." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 21, 2004
"God loves you, and I love you. And you can count on both of us as a powerful message that people who wonder about their future can hear." -George W. Bush, Los Angeles, Calif., March 3, 2004
"Recession means that people's incomes, at the employer level, are going down, basically, relative to costs, people are getting laid off." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Feb. 19, 2004
"In my judgment, when the United States says there will be serious consequences, and if there isn't serious consequences, it creates adverse consequences." -George W. Bush, Meet the Press, Feb. 8, 2004
"More Muslims have died at the hands of killers than - I say more Muslims - a lot of Muslims have died - I don't know the exact count - at Istanbul. Look at these different places around the world where there's been tremendous death and destruction because killers kill." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 29, 2004
"The march to war hurt the economy. Laura reminded me a while ago that remember what was on the TV screens - she calls me, 'George W.' - 'George W.' I call her, 'First Lady.' No, anyway - she said, we said, march to war on our TV screen." -George W. Bush, Bay Shore, New York, Mar. 11, 2004
"The march to war affected the people's confidence. It's hard to make investment. See, if you're a small business owner or a large business owner and you're thinking about investing, you've got to be optimistic when you invest. Except when you're marching to war, it's not a very optimistic thought, is it? In other words, it's the opposite of optimistic when you're thinking you're going to war." -George W. Bush, Springfield, Mo., Feb. 9, 2004
"The recession started upon my arrival. It could have been - some say February, some say March, some speculate maybe earlier it started - but nevertheless, it happened as we showed up here. The attacks on our country affected our economy. Corporate scandals affected the confidence of people and therefore affected the economy. My decision on Iraq, this kind of march to war, affected the economy." -George W. Bush, Meet the Press, Feb. 8, 2004
"See, one of the interesting things in the Oval Office - I love to bring people into the Oval Office - right around the corner from here - and say, this is where I office, but I want you to know the office is always bigger than the person." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 29, 2004
"Laura and I are proud to call John and Michelle Engler our friends. I know you're proud to call him governor. What a good man the Englers are." -George W. Bush, Nov. 2000
"I don't know whether I'm going to win or not. I think I am. I do know I'm ready for the job. And, if not, that's just the way it goes." -George W. Bush, Des Moines, Iowa, Aug. 21, 2000
"Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" -George W. Bush, Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000
"When I was coming up, it was a dangerous world, and you knew exactly who they were. It was us versus them, and it was clear who them was. Today we are not so sure who the they are, but we know they're there." -George W. Bush, Iowa Western Community College, Jan 21, 2000
"Will the highways on the Internet become more few?" -George W. Bush, Concord, N.H., Jan. 29, 2000
"The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case." -George W. Bush, Pella, Iowa, as quoted by the San Antonio Express-News, Jan. 30, 2000
"I understand small business growth. I was one." -George W. Bush, New York Daily News, Feb. 19, 2000
"I don't have to accept their tenants. I was trying to convince those college students to accept my tenants. And I reject any labeling me because I happened to go to the university." -George W. Bush, Today, Feb. 23, 2000
"I was raised in the West. The West of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California." -George W. Bush, in Los Angeles as quoted by the Los Angeles Times, April 8, 2000
"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it." -George W. Bush, Reuters, May 5, 2000
"Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods." -George W. Bush, Dec. 20, 2000
__________________ Craig Payne
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________ Follow me on Twitter | Run Junkie God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things - right now I am so far behind, I will never die.
I've got tears in my eyes! Absolute classics. If I was American I'd vote Bush every time. Every time there was a comedy poll. Kerry is a slimeball. Kerry is a politician. Good luck deciding my future!
Bob (England)
"Any time of the year it's a time of sorrow and sadness when we lose a loss of life."
....if you lose a loss of life, does that mean the dead body comes alive?
__________________ Craig Payne
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________ Follow me on Twitter | Run Junkie God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things - right now I am so far behind, I will never die.
Nice ones craig! Always enjoy your sense of humor! Has Kevin Kirby commented on any of these yet?
Sincerely;
Bruce
Colleagues of Podiatry Arena:
While you are all are making fun of the President of the United States, why don't you also make fun of the other leaders of countries that are represented in Podiatry Arena? Or is it only the United States that is so fun to pick on?
I'm sure we can make fun of the leaders from the UK, Australia, New Zealand and other countries? I'm sure that there are plenty of jokes about Prime Minister Tony Blair, Queen Elizabeth II, Prime Minister John Howard, Prime Minister Helen Clark and others that we can laugh about on this podiatry website.
I would suggest that some of us from the United States, even though we don't agree with everything our President does, may feel very much like our wonderful country is being singled out as the butt of the jokes here on Podiatry Arena. I would feel much better, in this international forum, to see jokes about all the leaders of the countries of the world, instead of jokes just on the USA.
__________________
Sincerely,
Kevin
**************************************************
Kevin A. Kirby, DPM
Adjunct Associate Professor
Department of Applied Biomechanics
California School of Podiatric Medicine at Samuel Merritt College
In the interest of fairness and balance, here are two jokes about Australia Prime Minister:
Quote:
John Howard and his chaffuer were driving along a country road and they accidently ran over a pig.
John Howard sent his Chaffuer to the nearest farmhouse and told him to offer money for killing the animal, with his most sincere apoligies.
The chaffuer is gone a very long time, and when he comes back he has a wad of money, 2 wine bottles and has lipstick all over his face.
The chaffuer says to John Howard "I had a great time boss, you never would have belived it! The father of the family gave me a wad of money, the wife kept bringing me bottles of wine and the daughter made great, hot love to me repeatedly"
Mr Howard askes the chaffuer "What do you mean? i cant belive it! DId you tell the family what i told you to say?"
"Sure did boss" says the chaffuer "I went to the door and said 'gday, im John Howards chaffuer and i just ran over the pig!"
Quote:
An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board but only 4 parachutes.
The first passenger, said, I'm Kobe Bryant, The best NBA Basketball player, the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die..." So he took the first pack and left the plane.
The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the former President of the United States, I am the most ambitious woman in the world, I am also a New York Senator and a potential future President." She just took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.
The third passenger, John Howard , said, "I am the Prime Minister of Australia, I have a great responsibility being the leader of a great nation. And above all I'm the most intelligent Prime Minister in Australian history, so Australia's people won't let me die".
So he put on the pack next to him and jumped out of the plane.
The fourth passenger, The Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a 10 year-old school boy, "I am old and frail and I don't have many years left, as a Christian I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.
The boy said, "It's Ok, there's a parachute left for you. Australia's most intelligent Prime Minister has taken my school backpack.
__________________ Craig Payne
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________ Follow me on Twitter | Run Junkie God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things - right now I am so far behind, I will never die.
While you are all are making fun of the President of the United States, why don't you also make fun of the other leaders of countries that are represented in Podiatry Arena? Or is it only the United States that is so fun to pick on?
Nope, but you have to admit the current Presidency has provided some outstanding material over the last six years. But there are other justifiable targets too - as you rightly point out. This from the Christmas Day post:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Festive Frolics
SCENE 26: INT: THE CABINET OFFICE 10 DOWNING ST: THEN
Another gathering of petulant adolescents, less perverted and intoxicated than the ones we have just left, but excitable and animated all the same. A menacing and edgy atmosphere prevails over a bohemian air. There is no table here (hitherto removed and locked in storage), but a collection of sofas and beanbags strategically placed around the room for the babes and bruisers to rest their anxious bottoms upon.
In one corner, resplendent in his Paisley silk housecoat, is the Prime Minister, Toby Bliar, surrounded by a gaggle of gorgeous babes, tousling his hair and applying his daily foundation and mascara, as he lies atop a purple and pink leather bean-bag. At his feet kneels Karol Kaftan, his personal guru and reflexologist, hard at work kneading a mixture of coconut butter and sunflower seeds between his baby-soft toes, whilst his wife, the hideous Cherry, looks on from his side. She is unable to speak as her mouth is being stretched wide by surgical retractors, but occasionally she utters little squeals of appreciation as she surveys and approves the babes’ work.
In the opposing corner, sitting uncomfortably on a worn corduroy sofa, is the hulking-sulking Chancellor, Gorgon Zola. He sits alone; banned from bringing his entourage and playthings into the Cabinet Office for fear they will upset the girls. Instead he occupies himself with his calculator, occasionally picking at some pieces of fried egg that has dried and smeared on his woollen cardigan and gabardine trousers. He is, as usual in a grumpy mood and his fidgety fat fingers fiercely poke the buttons, whilst he looks out from under his bushy, unkempt eyebrows with barely disguised malice at the scene playing before him.
Other Ministers are here too. Standing behind Toby is the Secretary of State for Health, the Rt. Hon Mary Hinge, holding a first aid box in which she keeps her briefing papers. She is engaged in a shallow conversation with the Education Minister, the Rt. Hon Betty Swollox about a new initiative of teaching nursery school children the perils of unsafe sex.
Ms Kaftan finishes applying the therapeutic mix to Toby’s toes (concluding with an avocado and vanilla rub for his heels) and wraps his feet in silver foil. It is a signal for the meeting to begin.
TOBY: All right, all right, listen up everyone. What are we going to talk about today?.........
...and no Bush or Clinton in sight - not even for the shrimping!
It's reported that on their wedding night the following took place:
As Camilla was making last minute preparations to walk down the aisle, she found that her shoes were missing. She was forced to borrow her sister's, which were a bit on the small side.
When the day's festivities were finally over, Charles and Camilla withdrew to their room (right next door to the Queen's and Prince Phillip's).
As soon as Charles and Camilla were inside their room, Camilla flopped on the bed and said, "Darling, please get these shoes off. My feet are killing me."
The ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked the right shoe with vigour, but it was stuck fast.
"Harder!" Camilla yelled. "Harder!"
"I'm trying, darling!" The Prince yelled back. "It's just so bloody tight!"
"Come on! Give it all you've got!" she implored.
There was a big groan from the Prince, and then Camilla exclaimed,
"There! That's it! Oh that feels good! Oh that feels SO good!"
In the bedroom next door, the Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said
"See? I told you, with a face like that she was still a virgin."
Back in the bridal suite, Charles was trying to pry off the left shoe.
"Oh my God, darling! This one's even tighter!" exclaimed the heir to the throne.
At which Prince Phillip turned to the Queen and said, "That's my boy. Once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"
kevin, "insulting"??, mate, telling jokes about messieurs bush (blair & howard) is the very least insult, ....................."french military victories" is a classic!!!....., mark c
Last edited by Admin : 16th January 2006 at 05:03 PM.
Reason: lets keep the political flames out of it
The wonders of Google .. this will be different depending on which country you are it...but did you notice the adverts at the top of the page. Google crawls the pages and automatically serves up what it considers relevant adverts ... clever. From here they are adverts all about George Bush and the Iraq war!!
Thanks to all of you for contributing to the humerous contributions regarding our world leaders.....I feel much better now since, I, as well as anyone, know the shortcomings of our President, George W. Bush. At least now I don't feel as if the problems of the USA are being singled out in this international forum.
Bob, your story is a classic and I will be sure to memorize this one for future communications with podiatrists, operating room nurses, anesthesiologists, and other medical personnel. It's the best laugh I have had in a while and may be one of the best foot related jokes I have ever heard.
__________________
Sincerely,
Kevin
**************************************************
Kevin A. Kirby, DPM
Adjunct Associate Professor
Department of Applied Biomechanics
California School of Podiatric Medicine at Samuel Merritt College
The cabin door opens. Two men dressed in pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle. Both are wearing dark glasses; one is using a guide dog and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up.
The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport.
As it begins to look as though the plane will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.
And in the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "You know, Bob, one of these days they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."
Bushisms
Re:Bushisms
Here is another:
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