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This is a take off from the other thread "Things you never want to hear from Podiatry Patients". Hope it's not too similar.


Some patients just say/do the funniest things.


Every time I begin to debride HK from a particular patient's heel/forefoot, she comments: "Ah that's a lovely feeling, it's just like having your back scratched."
It cracks me up everytime!

Funniest comments I have heard so far:

me- "your diabetes have caused your dry skin due to nerve changes"
pt - "No no, apparently I have dry skin because I have been celibate for 30 years"
me - awkward silence....


another one occurred while I was writing notes behind a counter, like a receptionists counter.

Pt with dementia walks in the corridor- 'excuse me!'
me - "hi, can I help you?"
pt - wandering around room not understanding my question....
me -"do you need anything? What would you like?"
pt - "Oh I'll have a scotch and rum please"
me (momentarily confused)- "sorry mam we don't serve alcohol here!!!"

Absolutely true; whilst performing a neuro-vascular assessment on an 82 year old lady in a diabetes clinic...

Me: 'Do you get any numbness, tingling or altered sensations Mrs X?'
Mrs X: 'Well yes actually quite recently in my clitoris'

Well I can't beat that one ... but

I have had two people in my time come in about their bunyips !

A few years ago I remember escorting a respectable looking female patient back into a busy waiting area, when she turned to me and said.... 'I always get such relief after you use that buzzing thing on me'.........(after a stunned mental block I realised she was referring to the nail drill........)

While attending a rural clinic, I asked the new patient and his wife to come in, with my back turned ( while washing my hands) I instructed him to show me the problem..... pants down, no undies - Ive got this rash/ itch. Stunned but professional I informed him that yes it was fungal and suggested that he attend the STD clinic down the hall!
Tip: double check the name of the hard of hearing.

One patient tells me she blames her hairy toes on a past Podiatrist she visited, to get orthoses, when she was a teenager. The toe hair got stuck in the gypsum plaster and got plucked out with the cast and ever since then the hair has been coarser!

Hello, from Portugal!
Once I had a patient that was preoccupied with a rare condition under her 4º metatarsal head, didn’t hurt, or scratch. “ Just have a red coloration and I’ve afraid that could be something badly” she said
I looked and I remember thinking: “Never see!!”
I clean with ethylic alcohol and in magic way it disappeared. Can you imagine her face when I told her that it was just dirt???
(Sorry the mistakes!!!!)

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A bientot...

Julian
Podiatrist-at-large

A few years ago I had a young very attractive female patient who's Chief Complaint was cramps and curling of her toes during orgasm!!!!!

I was able to resist the obvious response....." well, I'd LOVE to see that!"

Steve

Honest these are true
Very elderly lady almost blind real sweetie. the only way she could tell if her oven was hot enough was to put her head in it and if it singed her eyebrows it was hot enough!
Same lady came in once saying she had dropped her chop on the floor at home and could not find it. Guess what it was stuck underneath her shoe.
Another elderly gent just been to opticians for eye test promptly fell down stairs said "you sure i don't need glasses"
Same gent saw nasty fall in woods. Ambulance called he waited on road to direct crew. Crew turned up and tried to take him away he had to fight them off with his stick!!
Same gent heard a funny tweeting noise upstairs was convinced a bird was stuck in his attic. Turned out his smoke alarm batteries needed replacing.
you just could not make it up

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Zaffie
My location